tag replies 20th - 21st November
xoxo: yay aku budak sial!
Nisa: tu pasal uh! nak?
Nisa: tu pasal uh! nak? hahahaha abeh tag reply exactly the same eh!
passerby: hahaha power uh? thanks babeh!
yenshan: different! rats are gross. mouse cuter!
tagger: *inserts name*... heeeeee, you uh! (:
IASFiiOna: hahaha nice to the max. now you know, go Candy Empire. $6.80 only =D
lufee: terima kasih ye. chill uh mag (?)
sihao: ya, nak tendang muke kau, ya! lu jangan step sense of humour ya. nanti betul-betul tendang, we'll see who's laughing (?) hahahaha
Syiqs: where am i? here uh. ok i will try.
Syiqs: ape ni woman! nak gift ke tak?! =D
nasir: hahaha ini blog under construction ok. :D
Huimin: finally it has found its true home!

okay first things first.

unlike all my previous entries,

i dont sound like a pre-pubescent 13-year-old here.

moving on.
i went online to check on my blog
and had the shock of my life when i saw that it was all white.

it slipped my mind;
i edited the codes with my eyes closed this morning,
because i was terribly sick of seeing my face
(almost) everywhere in my blog.
hah. loser.

now my blogskin is very boring, no?
say yes.
i didnt put much effort in editing it.
it's sloppy which is alright because i AM sloppy.
=/

but i think it's high time i changed my blogskin.
change is good, they say.
i crave change.

i swear sometimes i just feel like screaming
and running and losing control of myself.
i dont get to do that all the time;
there is only one person who would stay with me
the whole time i start having the momentum to scream on impulse
and lose control of my mind,
and that person would even willingly join me make a fool of myself.

(:

i want to do that every day.
i want to be able to run and sing and dance and shout and
laugh so hard that i choke on my own saliva
and i swear i dont care if i die in the process.

but hey, welcome to society.

honestly, my parents don't believe in screaming in public
and they dont believe in girls wanting to wear shorts
so that they can run around and

not get their dress torn at the same time.

i want people to not look at me like i am too old to have fun.
i just want to be happy.
i want to be free.

i am sick of this, all of this bullshit that i go through almost every day.
why do i let people's words bring me down so easily?
why do i allow even strangers to pull my self esteem down,
even by a smirk or a meaningless tag

of angst and pure stupidity?

eh shit why am i not fucking aware

that i am sitting for the most important paper of my life

in less than a year?
i feel that i am getting weaker, smaller, meaningless

and less significant as days pass.
its like i dont matter much anymore.

i dont know where im aiming,

i dont know my target my goal my dream
i dont want to end up nowhere..
why am i wasting my life in front of this fucking screen?



this stinks.
i dont want to care about anything anymore.

i feel so trapped.
i just want to get away,
"find some beautiful place to get lost."

i had a talk with mom and dad today.
i told them everything.
one by one, all my worries.
mom believed that i dont actually own, not even, a best friend.
she said that she never had a best friend before.
i started wondering how much that sucked,
then she said that it doesnt matter.

and come to think of it, yeah it never matters.

okay i think im getting out of point.
hah whatever, i've lost all my mood to blog now .
in any case, i love mom and dad very very very very very much.
im only fifteen yet at countless points of time,
i have this impulsive and desperate feeling

that sometimes they're all i have.
and it's okay.

people come and go, come and go and come and go
and some dont even bother to say goodbye.



ps. my phone is failing me.
i am officially sad.
]=