We always thought we'd look back on our tears and laugh,
but we never thought we'd look back on our laughter and cry.





i wish you a merry christmas and a happy new yeeeeear!
except christmas is over and
btw i got a christmas present from Audrey
- Tinker Bell folderrrrrr! thanks Audrey, love you!)


oh, it's 2009 already?
and to think i spent the last morning of 2008
cursing my brother on the phone with my mom (!)
hahahaha secret!


alright, one hour left till the first hour of 2009
(which means its eleven, my BEDTIME! HAHAHA WTF)
and im wondering why
anticipation and excitement isnt gushing through my veins
like how i expected it to.


resolution for 2009: be a good girl.


okay SHUT UP, stop laughing!
i know its stupid and perfectly ambiguous
but here's MY definition of a good girl.


it's simple, really.



a good girl:


1. completes her homework ALL by herself
(a tad bit too impossible but i'll try my best. hahahaha)


2. does not smoke but might consider 'trying' hahaha wtf
IM JOKING I SWEAR


3. has the patience close to a saint's


4. donates spare coins
(hahaha ok for some reason, i cant stop laughing)


5. would never tell a lie
(definitely working on that, haha)


6. laughs WITH people, not AT people.
not all the time anyway.
hahahaha


7. dresses decently. (score!)


hahahahaha, okay i cant think of any more points.
okay i've been asked to list five new year resolutions
so i'll break the good girl thing into five parts okay.


1. stop telling lies.
2. donate my spare coins.
3. be good-hearted =)
4. dont laugh at people
5. complete my homework by myself, damn it.


hahahaha
and trust me, five years ago
i wouldve came up with something totally deep and enlightening..
like... "follow your dreams"
*makes holy sounds*
hahahahaha



i am surprised that my brain hasnt melted
from having burnt and microwaved by the sun
for about two hours yesterday afternoon.


band's impromptu drill session got me worn out
and i went home trying not to collapse after i alighted the bus,
with every ounce of little energy that i had left.


drills arent that draining.
im just weak, thats all.


(yes ive finally admitted it,
after years and years of denying that im weak,
and insisting that im actually
a really strong girl hahaha loser)



anyway i absent-mindedly popped
the wad of grape-flavoured Bubble Yum
that Hafiz gave me from Johore
into my mouth and began to furiously chew.


two seconds after i started chewing i swear i considered spitting it out
because it made my head ache like crazy.
hahahaha
SO not the right timing for chewing gum.
]=


anyway. look, Hafiz blogged about me!
=D

source: http://www.smellyrainbows.blogspot.com/


DID YA HEAR THAT?!?!?!
IM THE BOMB!!!!!!!
(although i dont really count that as a compliment hahaha)
yay!


and i was very engrossed in a book by Jill Mansell (i think)
during band's five minutes break
and Hafiz plopped into the seat next to mine
and leaned towards me.

Hafiz: Syazwani...
Me: mmmm? *distracted*
Hafiz: *worried tone* you know that im your number fan, right??
Me: ... uh-huh?
Hafiz: and Deon is second??? *still in worried tone*
Me: ...okay?
Hafiz: then Fiona says she wants to be third..

and his tone contained more distress than ever!
hahahaha
i replied, "okay." and Hafiz, quite satisfied, walked off.


seriously, what is up with fourteen-year-olds?!?!
hahahahaha!



but Hafiz is a good friend.
[=


he glanced at me for a split second on Tuesday morning
and said, "Syazwani, you cried last night!"
which was amazing because no one ever notices. =O


i often wonder how, after spending the whole night crying,
i can seem perfectly fine in the morning
and smile and laugh and joke as if nothing is wrong,
and how come nobody ever notices that i'm not okay.

alright. at this exact moment,
34 minutes left till i am officially a secondary four student.
(and oh my god school is starting in less than 48 hours!)


i'm sitting in this orange room, blogging,
while kids my age are out,
waiting for fireworks at Marina or something.
well it's not like i havent been doing any other things in the past years' countdowns.


im that pathetic, yes you may think so but i dont think so.


(?)



okay.


2008 has been quite astounding, i must say. *taps chin wisely*
hahahahaha.
uh.


and i cant deny it's probably the best year of my life...
SO FAR. =D


i spent my birthday night in school, for the Speech Day dinner.
it was way more splendid than it sounds, trust me on that!
(taxi tijuaaaaaaaaanaaaaaaa!)


i kept getting top for most literature tests and exam papers.
(which is the only thing im good at, sadly)


i got the role of the trumpet section leader in band.
band got worse but the NCO's got closer.
*inserts heart shape*


i met gruesome teachers
but found out they can be really nice too,
if you push the right buttons.
like Mr Anand!


i made friends with a teacher. (=
i sang for charity for Youth Day!
and people clapped for me!
ME!
they clapped for something im good at!
which almost like, never happens!


and i got better on the guitar!
i got better on the trumpet, too!
i got better in singing too, yay!


i went to Hong Kong and
my dreams of going to Disneyland are fulfilled!
(thats the biggest part of 2008, i daresay)


i got my heart broken and patched up
and broken again and patched up again and it was great!
hahahahaha


i got closer with countless people and
got to know new people and
i found out that its okay to have
even the most important people walk out of my life
because what matters is they'll still stay in my heart.
*smiles (and i hope i dont sound corny) *


oh oh oh and i got myself a son! *gasps*
(hahahahaha no, no, no its not what you think)


and i discovered really good books!
(which is just plain awesome
because books are like my best friendsssss omg)



and i got closer to my parents!
i got closer to so many people lah, and it just feels so good.


and i became friends with Zulfikar!
31st October was no doubt the best day of 2008!
(plus Disneyland day, too! =D)
truckloads of thanks to my failure of an alarm clock for not ringing
and making me miss the stupid math supplementary class
and end up talking to Zul on msn for the whole day, hahaha!


but i didnt stay in good terms with everyone.



but there were times when nothing was perfect but everything felt so right,
and i really wanted those moments to stay...
but, well. things change.



this is life and life isnt kind
and its alright because im not very kind either.

[=