for now, i'll keep my redundant, pessimistic thoughts away, in small little boxes in the back of my mind. if they're only going to bring me down, i dont see why i should spend hours of my young, tender life, nourishing this pessimism when, in fact, most of the time, things actually arent as bad as they seem.
i am happy, i always am. okay fine, not always. i cant be expected to smile and laugh twenty-four hours of the day; i'd freak myself out. but then again, i dont see the point in hiding emotions. i am not like that. at the same time, i dont see the point in excessively dwelling over a particular matter.
maybe i should stop talking for now. maybe all i need is sleep, really. and that pair of shoes from River Island that'll send me flying over the moon to Pixie Hollow in Neverland where i'd play tricks on the Never Bird and beg Tinker Bell for pixie dust so i can fly fly fly and be the second Lost Girl (because stupid Jane came first) and make out with Peter Pan *cringes* and i would laugh and sing and dance every day; every single day.
yes, that's what i would do every day - laugh, sing, and dance. on second thought, wouldnt i be bored to death? my point is, what's life without a little ups and downs, right? (just trying to make myself feel better, hah)
plus Peter wouldnt want me because i'll be turning sixteen in the blink of an eye. that's thundering towards adulthood, isnt it? =/
oh well, Peter's loss.
Sunday, March 29, 2009 @ about 11:19 PM
even though it's different now, you're still here somehow
@ about 7:22 PM
saturday
And you wish you could be on a magic carpet Yes, you wish you could be Ever so transported from here, from here
wawaweeeeeeeeeee Saturday with Audrey was the bomb! hahahaha there was countless squealing and screaming involved but we're girls so we're automatically excused.
we attempted to take the 502 express bus to town but my ezlink card had insufficient funds and i only had ten-dollar notes with me, so, to prevent Audrey from tapping her card, i screamed, "AUDREEEEEY! COME BAAACK!" (because she was way in the bus already, about to tap her card)
so in a shock Audrey went "HUH?!?!" and ran down the bus and i ran one round, around the fence-like thingy at the entrance of the bus, just to alight!
Farhan and Khai Seng and Khai Seng's mom saw the whole pathetic scene and it was embarrassing but hilarious but embarrassing, still.
imagine youre sitting on the bus and you hear a girl scream, "AUDREEEEEEY! COME BAAAACK!" followed by two girls foolishly running down the bus. hahaha wtf right.
and there was one scene when Audrey was looking for Collon, and we only stared at one side of the aisle of Fairprice, for like, what, five minutes? then Audrey turned round and half-shouted, "JAGABEEEEEE, JAGABEEEEE" for no particular reason at all. so i turned round to face boxes of Collon!
and for some reason, we screamed at the exact same time, "EEEEEHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" and gave the NTUC aunty the shock of her life. she was on a mini-ladder so im thankful she didnt fall or die or something.
and yeah we had a whale of a time looking at awesome stuff we couldnt afford. (not at NTUC, i meant at town hahaha)
we screamed at almost everything that was nice. like, AT THE SAME TIME. as in, those nice items caught both pairs of our eyes AT THE SAME TIME. (omg i love Audrey, shes like, my soulmate or something hahaha wtf)
and there was one time at Forever 21 when this malay guy from CTS or somewhere, stared at me in an eh-its-you(!) way, like really in concentration like that ah but i swear ive no idea who he was. i just looked away and got engrossed in accessories i couldnt afford and forgot about that little incident.
then, when Audrey and i were about to walk out of the shop, the guy strikes back! (past tense of strike?!) he was standing still, two metres away from us. he kept staring in that same way. then he looked at Audrey and stared at her in that way too so we stopped walking and he said, "AUDREY NAH?!?!?!?!"
oh, as it turned out, theyre old friendsssss! =D hahahahahaha who wouldve thought?
so i left them talking in merriment while i took another walk around Forever 21, pretending to be Becky from Confessions of A Shopaholic, which, of course, will never happen because one, i dont have a credit card, and two, i dont have long legs ... which doesnt have anything to do with anything, really. hahahaha
oh yes back to Audrey's old friend. after their blithe conversation, she sauntered over to me and declared that he was her primary school friend, (haha my sentence structure makes me laugh sometimes)
and she told me that he knows me. and i was like, HEH?! and she shouted (because Audrey never speaks; she shouts. hahahaha) "HE READS YOUR BLOG!!!!"
and most of the time, just those four words (or variations of the four words, like, i read your blog, she reads your blog, they read your blog etc) can make my day. so yes that made my day, along with Audrey's presence. hahahah cousinnnnnnn!
so anyway thank you Audrey's primary school friend, for reading my blog. (=
yay these sexy things are mine!
MINE I TELL YA! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! mmmg! ok be quiet you fool
and yay ive made a wishlist and unlike all my other wishlists, i will make this one come true! (chey come true sey -___- ) i shall save and save and save moneyyyy how exciting!
not
Friday, March 27, 2009 @ about 8:03 PM
what a mean birdddddddd
the dentist's van has reached the school! start brushing your teeth, kids!
just to inspire you (= hahaha
Thursday, March 26, 2009 @ about 10:12 PM
underneath this adolescent sky
"The night walked down the sky with the moon in her hand"
things have been pleasant lately. a little downs here and there, but thats okay, isnt it? i dont expect to be happy all the time. (=
i had a cheese donut this morning. it didnt look anything like a donut, but its a donut nevertheless. its very soft. i dont know why im blogging about cheese donuts. i mean, thats totally redundant. maybe i should be quiet.
anyway i had to run 2.4km this morning and i practically crawled my way to the finish line! Mifdhal left me halfway through and he ran all the way which is sad for me because i have no stamina whatsoever. i did worse than last week. MUCH worse. why am i not surprised? hahaha
i had to pee halfway through, i really had to! the water in the kennel was a sweet temptation and one of my classmates went, "there got bush *points to bush*"! and i was giddy from all the running so i was like, "hmmm bush, quite tempting" but thank god i was sane and healthy enough to say no to pee-ing in bushes. i mean, come on, thats so barbaric. i am civilized. i think.
no one took my peeing crisis seriously but i had far more important things to think about anyway, like the difference between electromotive force and potential difference. alamak physics, stress or what. i screwed the test, undoubtedly. )=
i dont like physics. i dont see any reason why i should. its such a bore.
plus static electricity seems like some random theory scientists came up with because they were short of one chapter for the syllabus or something. idk.
and chemistry isnt any better. Miss Hong said the physics scientists and chemistry scientists (?) are always in a feud. if i had to choose between the two, i would be in Team Physics! because who cares if alumminium plus oxygen gives you alumminium oxide and whatnot?
apparently, some people care -____- well i dont, and how did i get dragged into this?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
i badly want to watch Confessions of A Shopaholic. the book is good. but i watched the trailer and it didnt seem to have anything to do with the book. oh well. i now, when i want to buy something for pure guilty pleasure, i'll look at it as an investment. =D smmmmart!
the other day i received a text that made me snort in laughter for three seconds. it was from Radzi. it went something like, "how's my new haircut? Hah! Its the talk of the whole school." *snorts* hahahaha that boy uh, so random.
Ler Chen is random too. on one of the nights during band camp, he asked one of the girls, "what time should i apply moisturizer?" hahahahahahahaha! Ler Chen likes free food, looking good, combing his hair, and a GIRL ^^ i like talking to Ler Chen! HAHAHAHAHA!
ah i love the whole of JVCB ah. JVCB is family.
look, Hisyam was strumming Hotel California while Jun Wern sang! hahahaha! and i was standing there rather awkwardly and omg i have a pokeball on my bag =O -___-
look, Hafiz step euphist! *flares nostrils hahaha* (and btw, Hafiz mistakened Lionel Lewis for Leona Lewis hahahahaha stomach crampssss)
i bought mom a book the other day when i went out with Audrey after school. cousinnnnnnnnn!
i love Audrey Nah to the core and i know she loves me toooo!! and mom loves the book. i know =D
now i think i deserve the $150 Borders voucher because i topped my class for overall english and biology. i feel a sense of achievement but im not sure how long this'll last. i cant afford to slack.
and i resent the fact that social studies simply pulls my grades down when ive been scoring As for literature. stupid social studies. stupid combined humanities. stupid 'surprise tests'. stupid zany.
anyway, today's band practice was... sad. the better players werent around, including Jam. so i had to play 1st trumpet alone and i wasnt mentally prepared. period. and worse still, Mr Chia popped in. everybody loves Mr Chia. he has done so much for this batch's JVCB. and today was his last day listening to us.
he refuses to come anymore, for the simple reason of us not wanting to follow Mrs Chee as a conductor. hes right; he always is. Mrs Chee IS our conductor after all. and like it or not, we HAVE to follow her.
the injustice is eating me up inside. we didnt even get to properly say goodbye and thank you to Mr Chia. )=
gah. let me end this entry with a light note. ohohohoho! the other day i took the bus 502! it was my first time taking an express bus! ALONE! adventure! how thrilling! =D
i stared out the window half the time until i got sleepy. i dont like sleeping in buses. apparently i do that a lot. especially nowadays. so un-glam. hahahahaha okay bye! im falling asleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep~
Sunday, March 22, 2009 @ about 9:14 PM
this just fallen
Here we are, in the best years of our lives, With no way of knowing when the wheel'll stop spinning, Cause we don't know where we're going And here we are, on the best day of our lives And it's a go, lets make it last, So cheers you all to that, Cause this moment's never coming back
this is the third time i'm rewriting this whole entry, because i find that nothing i say sounds right. i dont like to sound deep and philosophical, so i hope my usual eccentricity is still present somewhere.
to start off, this has been the best one-week holiday i've ever experienced in my life. ive felt countless emotions lately that i dont know which to tend to.
i felt a sense of genuine unity among the band members; something i've never felt before in my 3 and 1/6 years of being a jvcbian, besides the Ampio Musica days of course, which was unfortunately shortlived.
i felt this longing to be somewhere else besides wherever im at. most of the time what i really longed for was to be on a stage, behind a microphone, singing my lungs out. i dont have time to do that, really. i dont know how this contributes to the past week being the best one-week holiday but yeah, i am eccentric, im supposed to be wired that way: helplessly weird. =/
and wow i sat beneath the milky twilight with someone i really treasure and thats something. its not something i can do every day plus it was my last ever camp in my so-called alma mater so im quite pleased. and really, that friend means more to me than anything.
ah yes and i actually voluntarily completed most of my homework and i'd like to choke on six huge fishballs because i cant understand a simple thing like Cell Division. calling me a loser would be far too kind. calling me stupid would, in fact, make you the most polite person ive ever met.
plus i got in touch with Madi again. it's been lightyears since i actually talked to her, hugged her, squealed with her, shook her hand or something. hahahaha i feel relieved. theres this familiar feeling about Madi. well, it's understood. i've known her all my life.
and i felt the feeling of wanting so much to escape from somebody i cant because too many things have happened between the both of us and it know its unfair for me to disappear like that but all i really want to do is forget about this and whatnot because i really dont have time for this.
no, i DO have time, but its my decision what i want to do with it. i dont want to be hankering after something and then not want it to escalate. i dont want to be concentrating too much on things that would, in many ways, affect the close rapport i've established with my family and friends. i dont want to do foolish things anymore. i dont owe anyone anything. good things come to those who wait. ironically, i dont expect good things and i am not waiting. i want to live my life as it is.
my tutor says i need to have a higher self-esteem because she (being a literature student and all *rolls eyes* haha) noticed my self-depreciation, something no one else has noticed, because people have this inclination to believe that i am arrogant. and period, no one bothers to actually KNOW me.
if looks can deceive, what makes you think words of people cant? what you hear may be true but it's not fair to me
if people simply jump to conclusions without knowing the truth. but that is the way of people, isn't it? i mean, i cant deny i behave that way too, at times. in any case, i've stopped caring.
i dont know how to improve myself on this annoying low self-esteem thing because no matter how confident i feel theres always one thing bringing me down, quite efficiently, i might add. and that one thing varies. it could be a friend, or a past event or something.
and my tutor also made me realize that im actually very blessed to have a family that is always there/here. they may not be the most supportive lot but they've always been there for me and that counts alot.
especially my brother. i love him alot. (=
and i have friends that mean the world to me. there are some whom i cannot consider as my friends anymore but i doubt this would affect them, because i was never treasured in the first place.
i have beyond awesome friends like Ahdila and Mifdhal and Audrey and Hafiz and Dexter and Jasmine and so many more its almost impossible for me to list. oh yes, i have a home and im not doing terribly in school. my results are average and hopefully as long as i keep working hard, i'll get better.
so yeah, "the grass is greener on the other side" ? unquestionably bullshit. (= im pleased with my life and i dont ask for much. (my birthday's coming so that last sentence may have to be altered)
ah, and being under Mr Chia taught me countless of things. one of them wasnt directly taught by him but he did mention his attitude towards certain things.
like, if you're not going to give it your all, why give anything at all? it makes perfect sense. why bother to put in even 10% of your effort when in the end youre not going to strive for the best? why bother at all?
he also mentioned that everything we do is voluntary and is our decision. even getting angry. he used this example: if i were to punch you and call you names, and you were to get angry, its not my fault. i can punch you and call you names, and you can choose not to be angry. you can choose not to retaliate.
and hence whenever we ask him how a certain part of the music should be played, or whether we should follow the conductor or pretend she never existed, he would say that we are the ones in control. i mean, he can tell us what to do and in the end we can choose not to obey him, right? precisely.
well i may continue ranting afterwards but for now i think i need a bath. school's reopening tomorrow and there'll be meet-the-parents sometime this week. im dreading it, really.
i mean, hello, who looks forwards to meet-the-parents?!
there's this particular comment that has been haunting me since forever, "Syazwani looks very dreamy in class". comes up all the time. they never get bored of the dreamy thing
and my parents never get tired of scolding me
for being born with a dreamy face.
sad, eh?
sorry to have bored you with this entry. but then again, you could've chosen not to read it. (=
nighty night, lovely!
Friday, March 20, 2009 @ about 9:09 PM
kneecap )X
i am rather pleased with myself today because i fell. gracefully, i might add. but i think i lost a knee cap ... awesome
@ about 6:47 PM
high flight ♥
"Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings; Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirious, burning blue, I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace Where never lark, or even eagle flew - And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod The high untresspassed sanctity of space, Put out my hand and touched the face of God."
- Pilot Officer John Gillespie Magee No 412 squadron, RCAF Killed 11 December 1941
"Where Never Lark or Eagle Flew" pretty, isn't it? i can't seem to stop smiling. (=
Thursday, March 19, 2009 @ about 7:58 PM
party hats and cheese prata
The sun is up, the sky is blue It's beautiful and so are you image taken from Photobucket
yay i'm only left with physics homework! i can't do math because i dont have the workbook because it wasnt in the booklist. =D but rest assured i'll go buy it soon. like, in April or something. we'll see.
i woke up at twelve plus this afternoon and did all my holiday homework except the ones i mentioned and then i bathed at six. :B
im doomed for life! i dont get Cell Division! argh Biology! i always thought cells split into half just like that but turns out there's more to mitosis than splitting! there's anaphase metaphase idk what phase ah!
i tried reading slowly like, a minute for every word, but after about three forevers i realized its bringing me nowhere! im desperate! my heart is sinking to the bottom of the gardennnnnnnnn~
but im reading a book now so its distracting me from the cruelty of the world. i just started the book so im on page 48. Confessions of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella, i have it with me because my tutor got it on sale and she wants me to read it. =D
im hoping to find a $150 Borders voucher in the streets tomorrow because im kind of sick of reading textbooks and the books at home for 2587368369 times. i mean, who reads Two of A Kind these days?! psh, Mary-Kate and Ashley.
I WANT NEW BOOKS AND I DONT OWN A FRIGGING LIBRARY CARD AND MY EZLINK CARD REFUSES TO LET ME BORROW LIBRARY BOOKS AND IM TOO SHY TO ASK THE COUNTER LADY FOR ASSISTANCE!
i am such a loser but its okay. i am a happy loser who just completed 85% of her homework, yes, thats right! =D
anyway im going crazy over this song by All Time Low. it's called Remembering Sunday, and trust me, idk what in the sam hill All Time Low was until i searched for Juliet Simms on youtube.
i mean, i know they were a band but ive never really heard of them. anyway Juliet Simms is incredible, obviously. i wouldnt be youtube-ing her otherwise. she sang in Remembering Sunday and i think shes just awesome, period.
Remembering Sunday gives me the chills. it's so perfect. especially the part before and when Juliet Simms joined in. i think in the song the girl died or something. im not sure but i cant think of anything else.
hahaha ok this is by far my most shallow post. anyway i wish i can sit under the moonlit floor with Hafiz and watch the stars again but i doubt that will ever happen unless i come back as a member of the alumni band. and Wen Xiang he wrote my name for the alumni band so yeah. kinda doubting my potential but whatever happens, Mr Chia believes in me. (=
ok bye! Internet Explorer is being mean to me so im off to call McDonalds' to make a reservation for the night... night!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009 @ about 11:33 PM
towering over your head
I'm not coming back, I've done something so terrible I'm terrified to speak, but you'd expect that from me I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair And out of my mind
Keeping an eye on the world From so many thousands of feet off the ground I'm over you now I'm at home in the clouds, towering over your head ♥
- 'Remembering Sunday' Juliet Simms with All Time Low
@ about 11:22 PM
jay vee see bee
Do you believe?
i'd better blog today before i forget everything tomorrow.
firstly, band camp was beyond awesome. aceness exceeded... siol =D hahahahaha.
okay im not complacent or what but im really proud of the band now. really, really proud. beyond proud. im exploding with pride. not arrogance okay. got difference okay. (=
by far, it was the best camp i've ever attended in secondary school. yessa, i am THAT pathetic.
i love jvcb; i love everything about jvcb. from our thoughtless way of discouraging our friends to our unity in going against a teacher and our determination and persistence and belief and patience and passion and everything else. i love jvcb, period.
i love not drinking the milo made by the welfare. i love clearing out the rubbish bins with Jam and Kenneth and playing 'catching' while carrying the monumental rubbish bags which were practically three times heavier than us and losing our breaths and running from the school to the rubbish house thing, and screaming our lungs out (for no particular reason, at all) .
i love the Chia family guiding us and believing in us. i love the respect we have for our alumni. i love the fact that we respect our alumni more than our teachers. i love the fact that our choice piece
Flying High by Rika Ishige makes me orgasm (but not as much the sound of the jazzy saxophone
Mr Chia made us listen to this morning).
i love being so kiasu with jvcb and ending up embarrassing ourselves, like at the exchange today alamak so paisey. i love the fact that we are better than we actually think. hahaha
i love lying down under the stars with Hafiz, talking about nothing and everything. "beneath the milky twilight" lah right? =D i love being cartoon with Jam, like during the Boon Lay exchange, when we had to go to the toilets. we placed our instruments on the floor enthusiastically and started running. after two metres of running, we realized that we had no idea where the toilets were. we stopped running and ran back to where we were standing and just stood still. wtf?
and the Boon Lay guy saw us, thank God. my bladder was explodinggggg! and that particular Boon Lay toilet visit was the worst toilet visit i've ever had in my life. so anyway, the toilet was hidden at the end of the corridor. Jam and i didnt even know it was a toilet. we kept walking and reached the boys' toilet. and we headed back out of the corner and saw this door.
it was black and extremely foreboding and had hideously painted words: Welcome To The Cinema. so yeah, we went into the cinema lah. hahahahaha there were two filthy cubicles. one of them couldnt be locked and the inside of the door had a vandalized Harry Potter poster pasted on it. the other cubicle had a small paper at the corner saying "MOVIE". and the main door's inside part had the words "Thank You". and yes, the inner part of the door was painted black too.
the toilet was badly ventilated and for once i was proud of Jurongville's toilets. i complained to Alysa and she said yeah, that toilet's heavily vandalized but the other toilets are fine. thank god. it was quite a pleasant experience though, thinking back. but spooky nevertheless. hahahahaha
okay wait, im getting out of point. as tired as i am, i insist on blogging. because if i dont update, Yusri wont talk to me forever. (thats what he said) God knows why.
its been a while since i had sexy time with the computer =/ speaking of sexy time, Mr Chia made us listen to a piece of music, a version of another song. it had a jazzy saxophone and oh my god people, i swear, it turned on like, 3/4 of the band. i swear! we really got turned on!!!! i think im in love with the saxophone sound. i'd like to marry a saxophone sound. but i cant.
and i kept thinking of the saxophonist from Singapore Poly. the latest concert i went to; Mr Leonard's Tan last concert I think. yeah, the guy played the solo for the whole song and holy fpweafihwfstgfej;wjkljsfaipef his body actions and everything! *screams* can orgasm one i tell you! seriousssssss!
okay this is getting personal. HAHAHAHAHA
so yesterday was the last day i ever get to sleep in the training room, hugging Audrey cousin good night and falling asleep hugging Ahdila's arm like a pillow =D Ahdila said i snored softly in her face and Hafiz said he tried waking me up last night and even flashed his phone in my face to get me to sneak out but i opened my eyes and fell asleep again but i swear i wasnt aware of anything.
so yeah. yay now Yusri will talk to me (!) -_____- hahahahahahaha i love ahdila i love hafiz i love jasmine i love audrey i love sery i love vania i love shaffiqa i love deon i love ler chen i love gwen i love fiona i love kenneth i love hakim i love atiqah i love farah i love samuel i love jin yang i love aini i love nadhirah i love azlin i love fathiah i love mandy i love gao xian i love hans aiyah i love everyone lahhh! i love jurongville concert band 2009!
enjoy the remaining of your holidays, sunshines. i wont, thats for sure. homework awaits. anticipating saturday aye. nighty night!
Sunday, March 15, 2009 @ about 4:09 PM
pearls delight
Aunty: yes? Zany: i would like to have green apple ice-blended with pearls. Aunty: ...
@ about 3:40 PM
ha ha ha monica
They tell you that you gotta have a heart of steel If you want to keep up can you afford to feel?
Mifdhal doesn't want to talk to me so he told me to blog. psh, with friends like that who needs friends? hahahaha.
ooooh, sebentar ya, my instant lasagne is readaaaaayyyyyyyyy!
my apologies for that one malay word. im sitting for a mother tongue mock exam tomorrow morning, and i am neither mentally nor physically prepared. i was only told about it a week before, and knowing humans, especially myself, WHO DOESNT PROCRASTINATE? right? i am, after all, the number one procrastinator. -____-
anyway. it is confirmed that the best invention by mankind is no doubt the Malay-English English-Malay dictionary. most of the time i have no bloody clue what a five-letter word even means. let alone those 8-10-letter ones which have unnecessary imbuhans and whatnot. you know what i mean. you know better than me. everyone does )=
i seem to have lost my flair in blogging. what do i normally talk about? oh yes, myself. well thats stale. hahahaha. i showed my tutor the latest english essay that i wrote and underservingly scored 25 out of 30. she claimed that in my essay, i sounded exactly like how i sound in my blog. spooky. -___-
and my mom said she thinks this is good because she thinks my blog is engaging so she thinks my essays will engage the marker from Cambridge and she thinks im better than i think i am. i am good at that, i am good at putting myself down. thats what i do 80% of the day.
but i think writing like how i do in my blog is dangerous. i am out of point most of the time and thats fatal. the problem is i get excited a little too easily. excited, and turned on my the beauty of English language. =D
okay, back to malay mock exam. -___- i think im screwed. i am so full of pessimism, i feel i ought to be jailed or something.
yes, thats right. put me in jail. and let me out on Wednesday, 7pm, when the band camp has ended. Jasmine can play 1st trumpet alone. i know she can.
i admire Juliet Simms. ^.^
so anyway the other day i was walking out of Westmall and i saw two birds feasting on a lizard and i was overjoyed. one lizard down, 58782584639843697 more to go!!!!! *dances*
oh yes i think the second best invention by makind is ... jelly. jelly makes me happy when skies are grey. just so you know, lately i keep buying a cup of grape jelly every day. nata de coco included! you should try it! they give me sensationsssssss
i am such a loser, i clocked 17 minutes, 2.4km. for those of you who dont know, thats a grade D, so i'll probably be getting no higher than silver for my NAPFA (?). i have no stamina whatsoever and as i mentioned, my brain is dominated by a pessimistic conscience that constantly screams "YOU CANT DO ITTTTTTTT"
tell me whats the point of living?!?!?! -_____- hahaha ok im bored ah seriously.
and blogging is a form of procrastination, i suppose. mom lets me use blogging as an excuse to not do homework. or DELAY the completing of homework. God knows why. mothers are very strange beings. i think she thinks blogging is good for me. it is, it is! it keeps me sane. (more of the opposite, actually)
anyway. lunch with Shari, Mifdhal and Fat'hil was good yesterday. i watched the C division soccer boys have a match at Hong Kah, and they got into the semi-finals (?) of the Nike Cup, i think. anyway, Shari, Mifdhal and Fat'hil are good company. theyre one of the few who hasnt changed for the worst over the years. (: ah, well.
so yeah i knocked out the moment i reached home last night, at around ten or something. i still had my band tee on, and my school skirt and my socks and everything else. i just threw my bag aside and the moment the cornified layer of my skin made contact with the bed, i just lost conscious. chey. seriously.
see, i was at Freaks of Adroit's gig last night. they never let me down. (=
they have this habit of acting all geeky and inferior before they go up to play but in the end, they impress everyone with their performance. i think i'll try that one day. IF i ever have a gig. we'll see. HAH
and eh omg i finally got to meet up with Ykid. and it was in school. -__- hahahaha but still, it was nice.
i barely have anything to blog about actually. you wouldnt want to know anything about my lifstyle. you'll get bored to tears.
*
i spent Friday night walking around the neighbourhood, expecting to get a taste of the pretty night underneath the twilight. i was disappointed by the abundant number of moonlit buildings standing proud and tall in every corner, blocking anything to do with the vast sky; my favourite part of nature. and i realized that Singapore IS truly a concrete jungle. ...and the thought of it makes me want to cry.
im sick of buildings and machines and brands and malls and people and everything.
I look at the world and I notice it's turning While my guitar gently weeps With every mistake we must surely be learning Still my guitar gently weeps
Thursday, March 12, 2009 @ about 9:05 PM
i already know
From ocean to sky, Summer and fall, I have been there though it all From laughing and crying, To pain that comes easy From shades of grey meaning That turn out so sweetly I wonder when I wonder what I'll find
I look up to the sun It only hurts my eyes Maybe it's the answer I've been wanting in disguise The more you are with me The more that I'm alone I dont need the answer
... I already know.
- 'The Answer'
by Automatic Loveletter
Wednesday, March 11, 2009 @ about 7:28 PM
Nice People (c)
Limitless undying love which Shines around me like a million suns It calls me on and on, across the universe
today was awesome. inevitably awesome.
i love Nice People. i loooooooooooove Nice People. Nice People consists myself, Ahdila, Dexter, Audrey, Jin Yang and Farah. i wish Mifdhal is in, too, but hes not. still, i looooove Nice People.
today was a good day, despite the fact that every few minutes i get told to shut up. like, straight in the face. everyone thinks i sound like a donkey. i am crestfallen. )= chey, crestfallen or what!
you see, i lost my voice. )= the 861352542351 millilitres of phlegm in my larynx is disallowing me to sing, talk and laugh and other things i usually take for granted. now i laugh like a donkey, talk like a horse, and i cant sing. at all.
i will bring masking tape to school tomorrow, and i shall put it to good use before i perforate everybody's eardrums.
sigh )=
anyway, biology lessons with Mr Anand are the bomb. especially when it comes to, ahhem, sexual reproduction in humans. (=
scrrrrrrrrrrrrrotum~
Monday, March 09, 2009 @ about 10:24 PM
shut up and let me go
this isn't directed to anyone in particular.
what you see isn't always what you get. i know exactly who Zany is, i know precisely who i am.
i own only a few friends who know me inside out; who know me more than i know myself. i am not ignorant, i know my flaws and i am constantly learning. i do not hate anybody, thats just stupid. so do not hold my past against me, do not dig out my past, and seize and hook any possible excuse to diss me or despise me.
you can groan, you can roll your eyes, i dont give a fuck. i have reached the point where i simply cannot afford to care or cry anymore.
in spite of the hundreds of apologies ive said, in spite of the thousands of people who've tried to cut me down (and succeeded at some points), in spite of the shit that is constantly hurled at me, i am still strong. i am still here. i am wiser now. you know i am.
i am smiling. i am proud. i have every reason to be. now, what are you going to say about that?
Sunday, March 08, 2009 @ about 1:40 PM
beneath the milky twilight
To the stars in the moonbeams glare Shackles on your feet gonna disappear
i dont look forward to school anymore. i have countless reasons for this.
there's nothing to look forward to anymore, unless im counting the end of the school term which is five days from now.
aaaaand tell me what could be possibly worse than finding that your school shoes have been invaded by a nest of ants for a few consecutive mornings?! i dont understand why in the sam hill would any sane living organism make a SHOE their home?!?!ER>AKLMFRWO"QT@)#Udf3rft-rdjfx27425 stop this madness! first hamsters are eating their children and now this.
im sick of painstakingly whacking my beloved shoes on the ground every morning just to make the ants go away. now my neighbours think im retarded because im always in a bad mood in the mornings.
i dont approve of ants making my shoe their home! if they want to, they can clear my shoe 5 minutes before i actually have to wear them. and most of them think theyre smart enough to hide from me! oh my gooooooodnesssssssssss
but still, i consider myself lucky after i ranted to Nisa about the whole ant crisis during one of Jun's arid lessons. Nisa said it happened to her before. (which made me relieved because i dont want to think i have putrid feet, because i dont, i swear i dont)
and Nisa said her ants came in all shapes and sizes which made me want to cry with delight because my ants were only about 0.3cm! yay!
so the situation became less serious and im sure some people have it alot worse. im sure some people have had lizards sleeping in their shoes or something. lizards are the worst. i would cry for two weeks if i found a lizard in my shoe.
i think i need my head checked. or my immune system checked. idk. i fall sick on a monthly basis and im not enjoying this at all. my tutor said i need vitamins in the form of pills and the mere thought of that makes me cringe.
ah and due to the instability of my health i havent been in the best mood lately. plus certain people around me are being such egotistical fuckwits and yes im trying my best to mind my language and maybe i am an egotistical fuckwit myself and im sorry but seriously man. argh. okay forget it.
still i'd like to give Shaffiqa Sulaiman, si mrs chien tu, a virtual hug for being a caring and doting friend and for absolutely refusing to accept the fact that I AM ALLOWED TO FROWN SOMETIMES. (= hahahahahaha!
i love Shaffiqa! ah yes and Mifdhal too. and everyone else lah k!!! i'd like to give all of you a handkerchief in the form of a cupcake (like the ones i got from Mini Toons) but sadly money doesnt grow on trees.
and thats actually a good thing because if money were to grow on trees, it wouldnt do justice to the not-so-tall people in the world because they would have to carry a ladder wherever they go and the tall people would be all rich and stuff. so not fair.
so anyway i bumped into Fayez at the other day and i got so excited i screamed his name and felt like doing a little dance there and then. hahahaha and the next day i bumped into Zulhaimi and the next day i bumped into Nasir. wtf?
i think God is trying to send me a message. i shan't elaborate. hahahaha
these days i've been spending most of my time with Ahdila, Dexter and Farah. i think theyre awesome. Ahdila step risk-taker, she doesnt know how to jaywalk. anyhow run. and times like these i scream in my most exasperated voice, "YOU'RE GONNNAAAAA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" approach me and ask me to scream that for you. (= terms and conditions apply -____- wtf?
i gave Dexter a lollipop with a 'D' keychain for his belated birthday. he's so fond of acting cute sometimes. =D
i've tried a new flavour of bubble tea: Chocolate Ice-blended with pearls. it tastes like milo and considering the fact that the only flavour i've ever bought is Green Apple Ice-Blended, drinking chocolate is quite a a nice change. yeh! =D
the other day Yusri and i were at one place in the school, i dont remember where. we were practising our bit forGeek Gig Week and i was getting ready to start strumming when i saw him waving to some unseen creature.
i was like, what?! and he said there was a cat. and i was like, where?! and he said there, at the window of a house at the HDB flat. i saw no cat but he kept waving and pointing as if the cat could even wave back. ?!
after a few seconds i finally spotted it and indeed, it was waving back! chey no lah it was just staring back at Yus and he was so enthusiastically waving to it. creepy.
and the other morning at around 6.30 we were at the idk what block, DNT block uh? he suddenly said, "Eh look, star!" something like that. and i looked up and there was only one sparkling light in the vast, pitch dark sky.
i dont have much knowledge on stars but from past experiences, people have called me a dumbell for thinking that every single light in the sky is a star when some are actually satellites.
so i said, "isnt that a satellite?" and he was like, "i know." in the i-know-everything voice but apparently, as i can infer from his blog, he honestly thought it was a star. tsk! hahahaha what only lah yus.
so anyway i spent my Saturday afternoon with Shari doing Gig Week stuff, still. i honestly thought everything was over but we still have tons to do like reflection and idk what presentation. im tired already give me break. )=
ah but Shari is good company. so its okay.
plus the event turned out well and im quite satisfied, we met all our objectives and i had fun. they had fun too, im sure. and now Furqan the emcee demands free lunch from me. sigh. *shakes head*
anyway, Nathaniel from American Idol is outtttttt! oh nooooooooooooooo he seems like the gay best friend sort of guy and i like those kind of people. if my wish from Santa last year were to come true, i'd like Nathaniel as a gay best friend. but for now, Rady is enough. =D GBF FRVR! hahahaha
last night i had an awesome time with BCF, we were digging out memories from the old photo albums. and we used to be soooo cuuuuuuuuute *rolls eyes* hahahaha i used to have a really fair face and sparkly eyes, hahahahaha, and i used to be pretty. =D
and Hafi got featured in noise singapore magazine! Hafi is my cousin and she does illustration and graphics. click: www.dcmd.sg/grad/09/hafizah
okay im tired. enjoy the remaining of your term 1. im a week closer to O's. ohhh, the joy.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009 @ about 10:40 PM
with diamonds
Tell me tell me tell me, when will you learn? We love it and we leave it and we watch it burn Damn these wild young hearts
if you could spot the mystery figure in the picture above, in between Madi and Hafi's heads, (the girls that arent me) i'd like to know if it gave you the chills. creepy, eh.
lately, i am deprived of inspiration to do anything. i'm really really physically and mentally drained and i have no idea why, but im betting it's cause i havent been eating much these days. help whats wrong with me
okay im listening to JVCB's SYF choice piece now (Flying High by Rika Ishige, awesome) and its making me orgasm chey no lah Mr Chia said,"If there was a sound between heaven and earth, it would be the horn's sound." french horn, he meant.
and it was quite an enlightenment.
i cant agree more. i loooooooove the horn's sound. i think if i were to die right now i'd demand Nadhirah to take her french horn from the band store and play just one note for me and then i'll die quite happily. =D
so anyway these days i havent been stuffing much down my anhydrous throat. chey anhydrous, chemistry term seh. -___- anyway i passed my latest chemistry test. yay, thats a first! =D but i think thats cause the questions were more theory-based. i left the one chemical equation question totally blank.
i ate instant lasagne yesterday after school. i am such a failure at anything to do with preparation of food. why am i a failure? i dont know. )= the box said i have to heat it for 8-10 minutes but even after i heated it for 11 minutes the stupid meat wont cook. it was still red and raw and gross. like really gross, cause i actually tasted it. it looked like decayed salmon.
im quite disturbed by the ambivalence of the weather. i dont like to get my hair wet but i dont like the heat either. (Ahdila insists i sound like a bimbo when i say that) but i dont like to get my hair wet! i just dont! really! gah!
i think i am quite in love with band and trumpet-blowing and anything to do with music-making. today's Gig Week was very... sweet. idk. Ahmad Farhan sang I'm Yours and everyone was so encouraging and clapped and sang along with him which actually wasnt a good thing
cause he got confused. =/
anyway, back to band. band camp was hell, lorrrr it wasnt the least bit fun and i actually got scolded on both days by Mrs Chee. gah, fishnets.
one time because i was getting ready for the solo or whatever you call it part and Farah actually lifted her instrument, you know, reflex action? when you see someone doing something you tend to unconsciously follow. and when it was my cue to start blowing, i was laughing so hard because Farah foolishly realized what she just did hahahahha idk i dont think you think its funny but i was laughing really hard and Mrs Chee got mad with me for that. whatever lah.
and Jam and i got praised to the core. yay! i like to be complimented for something im good at. i'll smile at you and say Thank You and this is totally different from when someone compliments me on like, my eyes or my face. because to be good at something takes effort and hard work whereas my face and my eyes are something i didnt choose.
i think i learnt that on The Perks of Being A Wallflower. its nice to get complimented on superficial things sometimes but it feels better to be complimented for something you've worked hard for.
i like it when Shaffiqa tells me about her hamsters. minus the part when the mommy hamster eats the child. stop this madness! )= (and this is totally random i know)
-____-
psh.
eh, im really excited for SYF. like really really really excited im actually having adrenaline rushes just thinking about it. i think i'll pee on stage on the actual day. i think its true, we shouldnt aim Gold, it's too far away, plus i bet the standard has shot up this year. so i think at least a Silver would be satisfactory.
i kinda miss sleeping in the living room. the last time i slept in the living room was when i discovered a lizard (yes, a stupid putrid lizard) on the bedroom of my wall. i swear i felt like crying. what imbecile!
what evil could possibly have a heart to invade such a mesmerizing and treasured posession? my room; my pride and joy *dramatically* ive spent years of my tender life perfecting and being protected from the cold world by the four tiffany blue walls. imagine my trauma when i found a lizard clinging onto one of my precious Dont Panic posters.
oh, the agony!
my lifestyle changed drastically since that day on. i sat on a pathetic mattress every night (ok this is stupid but is that the way to spell matress?) in front of the initially much-hated television, watching late-night shows til 3 in the morning, chewing on half-cooked lasagne, getting random calls from my imaginary friend Afiq, amd accompanied by nothing but the drones of the television and the ceiling fan. i took extra precaution on my every move because i knew the lizard could be anywhere, WATCHING my every move.
the thought of it just makes me want to puke ah seriously. i shouldnt have brought this up but thinking back, i kind of miss sleeping in the living room where the freezing temperature of the night breeze
could win air-conditioning any day.
i think i am now immune to the sounds of my alarm clock. as much as it crawls deep into the cornified layer of my skin and drives me up the wall, i think im getting used to it. and thats bad. because i dont have a phone as my back up alarm clock.
ok wait my scalp is bleeding, what the hell? okay seriously help.
my scalp is freaking bleeding. im going to drown myself in a packet of ice-cold Milo and head to bed.. my brain needs a rest. look, my scalp's bleeding already.
MY SCALP IS FREAKING BLEEDING.
*sigh*
Be nice, or go away.
(if your tag requires an answer from me,
click here!)
(awkward blank space that will be updated soon... i think.)
good day
And you wish you could be on a magic carpet
"The night walked down the sky with the moon in her hand"
look, Hafiz step euphist! *flares nostrils hahaha*
Here we are, in the best years of our lives,
Do you believe?
They tell you that you gotta have a heart of steel
Limitless undying love which
To the stars in the moonbeams glare