Tell me tell me tell me, when will you learn?
We love it and we leave it and we watch it burn
Damn these wild young hearts





if you could spot the mystery figure in the picture above,
in between Madi and Hafi's heads,
(the girls that arent me)
i'd like to know if it gave you the chills.
creepy, eh.


lately, i am deprived of inspiration to do anything.
i'm really really physically and mentally drained
and i have no idea why,
but im betting it's cause i havent been eating much these days.
help whats wrong with me


okay im listening to JVCB's SYF choice piece now
(Flying High by Rika Ishige, awesome)
and its making me orgasm chey no lah
Mr Chia said,"If there was a sound between heaven and earth,
it would be the horn's sound."
french horn, he meant.


and it was quite an enlightenment.

i cant agree more.
i loooooooove the horn's sound.
i think if i were to die right now
i'd demand Nadhirah to take her french horn from the band store
and play just one note for me and then i'll die quite happily.
=D


so anyway these days i havent been stuffing much
down my anhydrous throat.
chey anhydrous, chemistry term seh. -___-
anyway i passed my latest chemistry test.
yay, thats a first!
=D
but i think thats cause the questions were more theory-based.
i left the one chemical equation question totally blank.


i ate instant lasagne yesterday after school.
i am such a failure at anything to do with preparation of food.
why am i a failure?
i dont know. )=
the box said i have to heat it for 8-10 minutes
but even after i heated it for 11 minutes
the stupid meat wont cook.
it was still red and raw and gross.
like really gross, cause i actually tasted it.
it looked like decayed salmon.


im quite disturbed by the ambivalence of the weather.
i dont like to get my hair wet but i dont like the heat either.
(Ahdila insists i sound like a bimbo when i say that)
but i dont like to get my hair wet!
i just dont! really! gah!


i think i am quite in love with band and trumpet-blowing
and anything to do with music-making.
today's Gig Week was very... sweet. idk.
Ahmad Farhan sang I'm Yours and everyone was so encouraging
and clapped and sang along with him
which actually wasnt a good thing

cause he got confused. =/


anyway, back to band.
band camp was hell, lorrrr
it wasnt the least bit fun and i actually got scolded on both days by Mrs Chee.
gah, fishnets.


one time because i was getting ready for the solo or whatever you call it part
and Farah actually lifted her instrument,
you know, reflex action?
when you see someone doing something you tend to unconsciously follow.
and when it was my cue to start blowing,
i was laughing so hard because Farah foolishly realized what she just did
hahahahha idk i dont think you think its funny
but i was laughing really hard and Mrs Chee got mad with me for that.
whatever lah.


and Jam and i got praised to the core.
yay! i like to be complimented for something im good at.
i'll smile at you and say Thank You
and this is totally different from
when someone compliments me on like,
my eyes or my face.
because to be good at something takes effort and hard work
whereas my face and my eyes are something i didnt choose.


i think i learnt that on The Perks of Being A Wallflower.
its nice to get complimented on superficial things sometimes
but it feels better to be complimented for something you've worked hard for.


i like it when Shaffiqa tells me about her hamsters.
minus the part when the mommy hamster eats the child.
stop this madness! )= (and this is totally random i know)


-____-

psh.

eh, im really excited for SYF.
like really really really excited im actually having adrenaline rushes just thinking about it.
i think i'll pee on stage on the actual day.
i think its true, we shouldnt aim Gold, it's too far away,
plus i bet the standard has shot up this year.
so i think at least a Silver would be satisfactory.


i kinda miss sleeping in the living room.
the last time i slept in the living room was when i discovered a lizard
(yes, a stupid putrid lizard)
on the bedroom of my wall.
i swear i felt like crying. what imbecile!


what evil could possibly have a heart to invade
such a mesmerizing and treasured posession?
my room; my pride and joy *dramatically*
ive spent years of my tender life perfecting
and being protected from the cold world by the four tiffany blue walls.
imagine my trauma when i found a lizard
clinging onto one of my precious Dont Panic posters.

oh, the agony!


my lifestyle changed drastically since that day on.
i sat on a pathetic mattress every night
(ok this is stupid but is that the way to spell matress?)
in front of the initially much-hated television,
watching late-night shows til 3 in the morning,
chewing on half-cooked lasagne,
getting random calls from my imaginary friend Afiq,
amd accompanied by nothing but the drones of the television and the ceiling fan.
i took extra precaution on my every move
because i knew the lizard could be anywhere,
WATCHING my every move.


the thought of it just makes me want to puke ah seriously.
i shouldnt have brought this up
but thinking back, i kind of miss sleeping in the living room
where the freezing temperature of the night breeze

could win air-conditioning any day.


i think i am now immune to the sounds of my alarm clock.
as much as it crawls deep into the cornified layer of my skin
and drives me up the wall,
i think im getting used to it.
and thats bad.
because i dont have a phone as my back up alarm clock.


ok wait my scalp is bleeding, what the hell?
okay seriously help.

my scalp is freaking bleeding.
im going to drown myself in a packet of ice-cold Milo and head to bed..
my brain needs a rest.
look, my scalp's bleeding already.