No one is as lucky as us,
"We're not at the end,
But we already won"



Speaking with self-interest and pure megalomania,
2009 was a good year.

I've heard countless calling 2009 'depressing' (and various synonyms),
and the reason given?
'The departure of so many celebrities.'
Personally I think that's rather daft because face it,
we'll all die anyway.

I'm not attempting to be a smartass here
but if natural death made 2009 'depressing'
then what would you call 2001 (September 11) and 2004 (Boxing Day)?
Those are freaking tragic deaths; i'd say those are depressing events.
Deaths of a few celebrities are nothing compared to deaths of thousands, at one shot.
Plus, death is constant.
Dude. I bet at this moment there's someone dying.
Shallow as it sounds, it's the way of the world isnt it?
I mean, get over it.
There's so much more to life
than dwelling over something so natural as death,
and using death as an excuse to make life seem miserable and hopeless.

'What doesnt kill us makes us stronger', right?
Well they're dead, YOU're alive.
So there is no reason for you to not have a positive outlook on life,
isnt there?
Seize the day, dude. SEIZE THE DAY!
I may come across as selfish, but my point is, life goes on.

Apparently I'm getting sidetracked here
but there's so much I want to say when it comes to this.
I just feel sullen when people feel that hope is lost.
Hope is never lost, gawwwd.
And gawwwd, I must stop talking!!!!!!!!


*

Moving on,
oh 2009 you were lovely.
You came and went preposterously fast
but you were lovely nevertheless.

I believe I grew, individualistically.
I am not an extremely mature and wise person (or lion.),
but I am constantly learning, and I think that's what counts.
This year I didnt get into any major tiffs with my parents,
unlike in 2007 or 2008.
Gosh, I am thankful for this.

I spent the last day of 2009 wisely, I believe.
I chose to stay home and chill when mom and dad
gave me the green light to go celebrate New Years Day with my friends.
Honestly I think all I wanted was to know that they trust me enough.
Now I know that they do, and that's all that counts.

Hence I don't see the point in going out anymore,
so here I am at home.
I really can't be arsed to get my ass in town or Siloso
or wherever the hot and 'happening' place is at the moment.
I passed up the chance to get wasted with my bandmates,
because Ash and I were convinced we're better off laying in bed
and no, not getting laid, but... reading a book.
Our minds are wired like that.
(Note: i typed WIRED, not WEIRD.)

And oh look Aiden just sent me text: "HAPPY NEW YEAR FUCKERS"
ass.

Oh, and why I said I spent the last day of 2009 wisely
is cause I did things I love (without realizing it, really haha):
I jammed, I talked with my favourite friends over the phone,
I performed, I sang (badly, but really, whatever.),
I had a photoshoot with STM, I took a long bus ride ALONE! =D,
I ate a chicken ham with cheese sandwich (best kind of sandwiches EVER),
and the best part is,
I did all these and got home by eleven, for once!!!
NICE.
(Actually i got home at 11.07pm but seriously, what's a few minutes right?!)

Now whats left to start 2010 with a bang is to sit in bed and read a book.
Im gonna get The Perks Of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky as soon as possible
cause I believe it will help me through my bad O'level results.
(Oh shit, did I really have to remind myself?!)
Stephen Chbosky will help me get through anything!

I re-read The Days Of Judy B.
I bought the book back in January or something, read it,
and was convinced I wasted my 23bucks.
A few days ago I picked it up again and started reading it.
by golly, its beautiful.
I never saw the true meaning and the deepness
of the rather shallow-but-dramatically-phrased lines in the book,
until a couple of days ago.
Honestly, I think I grew alot.
I see things I never could.
This book'll help me get through my O's results too, definitely.

Anyways,
being the egotistical motherbitch (sorry, been watching too much Peter Chao lately) that I am,
I never like to be the one apologizing.
(Unless Im sooo obviously at fault.)
However, I'll take this opportunity to apologize to anyone I've pissed off,
hurt, antagonized, offended or alienated this year.
As of right this second, I bear no grudges.
I swear, none at all.

And I'd like to thank friends.
So. Many. Friends.
I'll sum it up to ten friends who've made such a huge impact in my life.
Namely,


Ahdila Alim


Mifdhal Al-Idrus (this moron isnt going to read this anyway)


Malyanah Mawar *rolls eyes* HAHAHA


Al-Hafiz Hosni


Aiden Lee


Chris Grosse


Ashleigh G(o Hua)


Chris Jen Wong


Kenneth Phooi (this moron also)


and Amir Asyraf

And how awesome is it that the last five names on the list
are names of people I've met only in 2009?!?!
I love these people so much,
if you dare take them away from my life
I swear I will bodyslam you like there's no tomorrow.

Yknow I feel that my family got closer this year.
It helps that my brother and I didnt get into relationships and whatnot,
so family is always at the top of the list of priorities.
and you want to know something?
I love my brother. ALOT.


okay i got a text from Ahdila: "HAPPY NEW YEAR HANNAH MONWANI ILU BB"
im just gonna ignore her. and all the New Years texts.
HAHAHAHAHA wtf


okay lah yknow what.
dad's getting cranky.
he wants me to go to bed.
psh, honestly!!!!

Ive never understood why I should be forced to go to bed
when all I'll do in bed is stare at the ceiling,
and when all else fails,
try to beat my own high score at Quadrapop.
(BEST! GAME! EVER! ...no not really)

Alright ah.
Reader, I wish you good things in 2010.
Thank you, for letting me know
that I always have someone
on the other end of the monitor to whine to. (=
Remember, if you want to be happy, just BE.

It isnt that hard, yknow.

(=



RESOLUTION:
I will not change, but I will grow.
I will be a bigger person.
Not physically, not literally,
but mentally, introspectively, pensively, intellectually.
And most importantly, I will stay the same.