"I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset,
I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that
because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset.
And even if somebody else has it much worse,
that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have."
- Stephen Chbosky
The Perks Of Being A Wallflower





today today today!
i am going to Island Creamery with Ash the flower!
and today today today!
...we're jamming.

i am worried about the 17th.
my throat is feeling so good now
but the songs we picked to play are pretty tough, yknow?
and thing is we've only got a week to settle everything.
it's really a 'do or die', 'make it or break it' kinda thing.
we're not playing Ignorance or Fences or anything like that
cause we're really bored and sick of those songs already.
im not saying we've mastered them,
but we just want change, yknow?
so yeah we're playing different songs, totally different,
heavier and softer songs,
songs with double pedal, songs with screaming, songs with keys,
and this is making me worry even though i was the one
who handpicked two of the songs.
*kicks self*

okay so i've read the book til the end and now i dont know what to do.
ive read almost every book in the house.
im not really a chores kind of person. i DO do them, but only when im asked to.
the weather's a tad too sunny today to take a walk. forgive me, im spoilt.
i am tired of searching for bands on the net
because each time i find a band i really like, they've broken up. you feel me?
and there's really nothing good on TV.

Star World doesn't show Friends consistently.
i dont get how American Idol is more important than Friends, i mean,
Friends is the best. show. ever.
and it sucks that Channel 5's showing American Idol too, the same season.
not that i ever watch Channel 5,
but... ah you get my point.

so anyway my mom bought me a bottle of Tweety Bird powder or something,
yknow the kind that's meant for little kids?
it's cute i swear.
and it's disturbing how Tweety Bird is actually a boy.
it looks like a girl!
oh whuut, you didnt know Tweety's a boy!?!?!?!!
hahaha i know right, i felt betrayed when i found out.
it's like, i lived my whole life thinking Tweety's a girl.
sigh. stupid bird.


































so anyway that's totally not my point.
i think the powder gives me pimples.
i have three on my forehead now.
no, wait four. yeah, FOUR FREAKING ZITS!
im not freaking out or anything because my hair can cover them,
so everythings fine, everythings cool,
but theyre so itchy.
wait, pimples arent meant to be itchy right?
oh i dont know, youre making me nervous.

yesterday i got bored and hungry cause i was all alone at home,
so took ten bucks to the NTUC across the road.
(NTUC is Joe's obsession btw)
i made a shopping list while waiting for the green man to flash... okay that sounded wrong.
so anyway i wrote:
1. Snickers
2. Snow Pea Crisps
3. Cup Noodles

i feel like i bought more food but i cant seem to remember what.
but anyway i bought this Meiji yanyan thing on impulse too.
i dont know it's real name cause it's all japanese and stuff
but it has chocolate and sprinkles.
i used to eat them when i was little.
it's like a walk down memory lane or something.
i love NTUC!

so anyway i googled the Meiji thing and found this:


vikichan.freeservers.com/chocolates.htm



"Fun and tasty!!"
true that!
it costs only 90cents actually.
this website is out to cheat your money.

yknow what?
i havent had Chewy Junior since the 31st of December!!!!!
(was that las week? i dont know, ive lost track of time)
its killing me!!!! it really is!!!!!!

oh and i got text messages saying that O's results will be released on Monday.
i didnt really feel nervous or excited or anything
but i forwarded the text to my mom and when she didnt reply i got worried.
so i called her on the train
but she didnt answer and i thought she passed out or something.
i mean, it would be so-my-mom
if she freaked out and replied in a freaked-out way,
but she didnt reply at all.
so i kept calling her phone and eventually after 878748369 years she picked it up.
as it turned out, she didnt get the text at all. -.-

so i was like all "the results on monday! next monday!"
and as expected, she started freaking out. so not cool, mom.
hahahaha.
and i was like "youre panicking!!! you have no faith in me!!!!"
which made her shut up for three seconds.
then she said, "nooo, nooo i have faith in you.
if you have confidence, then i have confidence too!"
and i was like, "but i dont have confidence. )= "
i mean really, i dont. at all.

occasionally i get spasms when i think about Monday
but i wont freak out or anything.
and i dont get extremely worried.
i get nightmares once a week but thats beyond my control.
there really isnt much i can do, is there?
i sat for those papers 2-3 months ago.
and i dont remember much to feel regretful,
and that i shouldve done this or that,
or studied harder for this chapter or that.
even if someone invented a time machine
i wouldnt go back in time to change something in the past,
or study harder or anything.

having confidence wont really make any difference to the results either, right?
so yeah i think i'll just be feeling emotionless when i enter the hall on Monday.
(can we 'feel' emotionless?
cause technically if youre emotionless
you dont actually feel anything, right?
im confused)

i think i have to clear my bowels now.
brb, ttyl, ttfn.


ok im back!
and i dont have anything to say, actually.
this is strange and queer.
ive always had something to say.

see what i mean when i said i am now bleak?
like Paulie Bleeker. Bleak!


how insanely cute, with the box of tictac.

that reminds me.
the other time there was practically nothing on TV so i made do with 16 & Pregnant.
it's all sad and scary at the same time,
and i think i like Juno so much better.
of course, we cant compare reality with fiction,
although i have this inclination to think that Ellen Page (Juno) is really like Juno in reality,
which of course she isnt, because she isnt pregnant,
and i dont think she and Michael Cera (Paulie Bleeker) are going out.
but Juno and Paulie are completely real in my mind.
i know theyre out there somewhere.

yesterday i watched MTV Made,
remembering how Ahdila used to say
she liked to watch it because it's ridiculous.
in the episode i watched,
this tomboy called Diana wanted to be a model.
i got totally frustrated with her
cause she seemed like she had zero confidence
and she seemed to think that this whole modelling business is easy.
i know i speak as if i know things,
but seriously,
even the one of the models got pissed with her!

and it was so disturbing to watch one of the ladies
teach Diana how to flirt.
do you really need to know how to flirt?
are you that desperate for a guy?
i mean, batting your eyelashes and touching his hands
"oooh, your hand's sooo big!"
i actually had to shut my eyes and mute the television
because i felt so disturbed watching it.
why do females make themselves so cheap sometimes?!

anyway i'm better off watching Lion King than these silly shows
so i watched Lion King, and i didnt cry! first time ever!
i admit my eyes were hot and wet but i totally didnt cry!
(maybe because my brother was beside me.)
i think Lion King is the best show ever,
and i know everyone agrees with me!
=D

i remember when i was little i had this crush on Simba,
(like how i had a crush on Peter Pan too)
because Simba's such a handsome lion, with the hair and all.
i know people think im strange like that,
but please don't judge mehhhh.
and it's so awesome that he ended up with Nala, who's equally beautiful.
i mean, look at her green eyes!!!!



so pretty!
and look what i found:



i was like, "oh look, thats simba! and nala! and who the fuck is that?!?!?!"
no, im serious. who the fuck is that??!!?!
ah, after much investigation, i gathered that this image is a FanArt,
and that strange-breed cub is called Chumvi or something.
how disturbing.
why is he biting Nala's ear?
cant he see Nala doesnt enjoy it?!?!?!

Oh well. Whatever. Never mind.
i'll stop talking now cause i think it's time for me to do something productive.



(believe it or not, this is my second time typing this entry.
because my first draft disappeared because my computer died.
my first draft was better and cuter.
i was pissed off for one second
then i realized that i shouldnt waste my anger on such things.)