"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. "I don’t much care where--" said Alice. "Then it doesn’t matter which way you go," said the Cat. "--so long as I get SOMEWHERE," Alice added as an explanation. "Oh, you’re sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."
“If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.”
- Lewis Carroll, in 'Alice In Wonderland'
(=
Thursday, September 23, 2010 @ about 1:14 AM
buckbeak
LAAAAAAWWWWWWLLLLLLLLL.
and oh my god, i found this on Hunny's facebook, not sure where she got it from, look:
*melts* TOO CUTE.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010 @ about 11:16 PM
come what may
"It's all for moments like this"
today i was a good girl!!!! i stayed home and cleaned the house when i already made plans to go out, so that i'd be able to have dinner with my mommmyyyyyy!!! i felt guilty for going out at night almost every night and leaving her alone at home haha.
so yeah we tried the new ayam penyet place at Westmall. Spice Corner or something like that. i thought it wasnt so bad but mom was totally exaggerating and saying it was terrible just cause she didnt like the lady behind the counter very much. the sauce wasnt spicy at all!!!!!!! no kick! im sticking to Ria!
the other day i found my old Nintendo Game Boy Pocket!!! (anyone noticed how sexist the name is?!) it looks like this!!!
okay not really that's just a Game Boy. mine's a Game Boy POCKET. (idk what the difference is, but there definitely are differences.) and see the blue cartridge behind it? that's Pokemon Blue!
thats probably the only game i ever played on my Game Boy HAHAHAHAHA!!! today i tried it out and oh golly miss molly it still works like a charm! the screen's a little retarded but i still have all my old data! i named my Pokemon character Neesha! (wtf right?)
i went cycling around whatever city i was in today. (i meant, in the Pokemon Blue game lol) i forgot almost everything about Pokemon Blue. i think i'll start playing again. but i wont ever erase my saved data, i worked hard to get to the whatever league it's called to beat Gary the douchebag!
so anyway Syafizzle Yournipple and i were doing some catching up about an hour ago and this was a part of the conversation:
Syafiq: Anyway, still singing? Zany: Singing, hmm not really. Dont really enjoy it as much as i used to. Syafiq: ): wasted talent. I honestly feel i've improved in my singing. Maybe one day I shall make a cover and let you listen. After all, you were the spark that made me Damn Damn passionate about singing. =x Zany: Hahaha you make me LOL. I should blog that then say YOU're the reason why i started singing again hahahahaha so lame!
so there, i blogged it. and i guess i'll have to start singing as much as i used to. honestly though, im not feeling it. maybe cause Scotch Tape Mayhem died again. or maybe because more female singers + females playing musical instruments = minor signs of the world ending
but the world WILL have end eventually right? at this point there really isnt much we can do about it. the world is changing, in ways that totally reflect the the minor signs. but change is constant. and change is natural, and inevitable. im not giving an excuse for humans to behave like how they're behaving but seriously change IS inevitable! but sigh idk what to think anymore but ive honestly always wanted to live til at least forty. hahaha. i dont know if i'll live to see the day i turn forty but for now i say we live each day like it's the last day we will ever see. (= i mean, what other choice do we have?
oh by the way i found this on some Tumblr sites!
Our psychological state allows us to see only what we want/need/feel to see at a particular time. What five words do you see?
1. love 2. lust 3. dream 4. past 5. secret
… and read. which is what i should do right now.
Wonderland is waiting for me. ('=
"In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again."
i am inclined to think that this is the very quote that makes me feel so attached to Alice In Wonderland. it just reflects my whole life. it is so like me to throw myself headfirst into situations without properly thinking things through. i cant really recall any time in my life where i planned ahead. this is not something im proud of, but it's something i've lived with and grown used to. it's left me stranded in ... baffling circumstances, but it doesnt matter, because honestly, nothing really matters .
and yknow what, im kind of talking about my future. a couple of days ago it struck me that ive never really planned my future. it worried me a little, because this is a really serious matter. but 'plan'? i dont know.
if i had planned my future, i wouldve hurled myself into a Business course. or an Accountancy course, or even Engineering. but i didnt plan it. and so chose Writing, which isnt appreciated by many, especially in this country, but that's what i do best and that's what i enjoy most. it was a risk, knowing what i do best isn't half as good as what others can do. but such is life, no?
im not sure exactly what i'll be doing in the future that involves writing. the job-scope and wage is pathetic as compared to that of the other courses, but really, what does it matter? the future's misty but i know i'll be okay. i just know it.
take chances, take risks. that's what i always do without fail and i'll keep doing that even if the future is scaring me shitless.
"come what may", ya know?
ps. a friend once said to me in the bus "Zany, yknow, i like the fact that your dream future is so simple." i asked him to elaborate and he said it's cause i dont want a car, i dont want a big house or be a millionaire or a billionaire, i just want to be happy in an okay-sized house and have an okay-paying job and as long as i can feed myself (and my family) then im content. it was really surprising (and nice) to hear him say that but i never saw my future as 'simple'. it just appears 'simple' to other people because they want and expect so much in life. (so much that they dont even NEED.) there's nothing wrong with dreaming big, but i suppose the day you forget that the things that matter most are the littlest things is the day you're screwed. Cliché huh? but so darn true.
@ about 12:38 AM
i feel infinite
the night sky was amazing. it was like looking through a fisheye. and the moon was full and had these ray of colours around it.
i love nights like these, they make all the downs in life seem so... tractable. they make me feel indestructible.
and yknow like when Charlie from The Perks of Being A Wallflower was at the back of the lorry as it was speeding towards downtown? he said "I feel infinite." tonight was one of the nights that felt something like that. read the book. Charlie explains it much better than i can.
my boy be lookin' so fly in them boots…. alamak i fail.
all in all, without a doubt, a wonderful day. ps. i love Aqil.
suck on thatttttttt. B-)
Tuesday, September 21, 2010 @ about 12:41 PM
formspring
hahahahaha don't give me this bullshit, you sad bunch of kids. if you want to critisize me, say something that's... valid! or GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT, at least.
sheesh. disgusting. delete.
Monday, September 20, 2010 @ about 7:04 PM
torn!
HAHAHAHA I WNA SHOW YOU GUYS SOMETHING COME COME COME
okay listen to this:
yes thats me singing shut up stop laughing. okay so actually the motive of this entry is not to let you listen to that cause it's not very important, so you can turn that off now, AND NOW LISTEN TO THIS:
HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG YEAH!!!! YEAH!!!!! i edited my voice to sound like a man!!! DAYUMNNNN, IM A SEXY MAN!!!!!!!!!
but would ya look at that, even as a man, i sound so whiny! ESPECIALLY AT THE CHORUS! HAHAHAHA!!! but gosh i spent about five minutes laughing at myself im sorry if you didnt find that very funny but i think it's hilarious lol, gotta love Garageband. =D
btw the audio(s) sound a whole lot better in HD but idk how to embed HD lol okay whatever never mind
anyway, hope ya'll had a good day. i did! even though i missed the Classic Disney Movie Marathon. )'=
Sunday, September 19, 2010 @ about 6:16 PM
fix you
When you try your best, but you don't succeed When you get what you want, but not what you need When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone, but it goes to waste Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below When you're too in love to let it go But if you never try you'll never know Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you
"You think you want to die, but in reality, you just want to be saved."
Wednesday, September 15, 2010 @ about 3:27 PM
La Vita è bella
La Vita è bella, hmmmm? so let's live it to the fullest.
on a side note, i've got my ukelele and hot pink Dr Martens, and i solemnly swear i will not buy any more shoes for the rest of my teenage life. and i know everyone'll take this as a joke, BUT HEY! I 'SOLEMNLY SWORE'!!! this is serious business! people dont just 'solemnly swear' for fun okay?! so yeah im done being materialistic for now, forever!!!!!!!
im gna live the rest of my life playing the ukelele/guitar and renewing my love for music. and singing. and i'll take pictures of myself and people and things around me like i always do so that in a couple of months i can go "wow look how things've changed!" because change is constant, so constant and so quick and obtrusive that i mustn't ever forget who i was or whatever i went through because those are the reasons why i am who i am today.
my train of thoughts is chug-chug-chugging at lightning speed right now and my vision is blurry i dont like this feeling, maybe i should go grab a bite. havent had a solid meal since last night.
im done talking. see you around.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010 @ about 1:55 PM
bandannas and hair issues
Zany: i got hair issues i want to wear bandanna over my head HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ahdila: you wear bandanna i sell you at Bugis Street.
HAHAHAHA... no offense to people who wear bandannas on their heads. it just doesn't suit my look, yknow? hahaha. k bye, im gonna seize the day.
@ about 4:12 AM
mmmm.
remember the assignment i blogged about? the one where we had to write our own Personal Decalogue: A list of Ten Commandments (divine rules) we live by, as an individual. after that assignment was done, we had to write a story that reflected one or more of our Ten Commandments.
the commandments i chose were 'God exists' and 'Everything will be alright in the end.' and this is an excerpt of the essay i wrote:
I reckon it's easier to live life without any struggles at all. When you're stuck in the middle of nowhere, in ceaseless dead-ends, running in circles, it is almost impossible to make sense of life. But you're never given even a little more than what you can take, because God will never burden any soul beyond its capacity.
I reckon it's normal to be dragged down by chains of wretchedness. You tend to forget to smile, you don't even know how to talk or make eye contact anymore. And even despite looking happy and beautiful from the outside, you're perished inside, and a hundred and one percent in disarray. You forget to have faith in God, you give up on his basic needs yet he never once did give up on yours. And so you're still breathing, and you never give up hope each day to keep on living. Because you know, everything will be alright in the end, and if it is not alright, it is not the end.
and you don't know how much i hate or feel inadequate/incompetent showing people the essays/songs i write, (in fact, i feel like shit now posting a part of my essay here) but right now, at this moment, these words mean more to me than anything else.
@ about 3:45 AM
i'm losing myself. it's evident.
i can feel it. people around me can see it.
it's gradual. and painful.
it's been going on for more than a month
and i swear i tried to fight it, but i couldn't.
i'm just about ready to give up trying.
Sunday, September 12, 2010 @ about 12:43 AM
lonelyyyyy
Zany:*sings with emotions* SHOW ME THE MEANING, OF BEEEEING LONELYYYY~ Mom: tsk. what kind of song are you singing?!?!?
sighhhh. no one appreciates my singing in this house! hahaha.
today was fun. i love my family (that includes all my cousins and aunts and uncles and one grandparent) and i fell sick again. how unfortunaaaaate D=
i'm really genuinely tired and unwell so i think i should head to bed right nao nao nao.
GUESS WHAT!!!! i am going to get me a uke! i am going to go for a haircut! i am going to go shopping at Ikea! i am going to get the Dr Martens boots ive been eyeing for months!
ok seriously if i dont click the PUBLISH POST button now i'll never stop talking hahaha ok bye
ps. i think, i do think, i am obsessed with 500 Days Of Summer.
Saturday, September 11, 2010 @ about 12:10 AM
happy raya, ya'll.
Eid Mubarak. a rather pretty day. was 10cm taller cause my heels rock.
meet my family. my heart and soul.
because i don't have a kakak, i like to pretend other people are my kakak. and this is my favourite kakak. her name is Hafi, she's the coolest!
Hafi on my right and Madi on my left, picture's adorned with my sinister smile. (can you call that sinister? i can't pull off anything evil.)
i love these two ekors no matter how lost they make me feel the moment they start talking about anything Korean. (btw today we watched the Korean channel -whats it called?- and this boy band was like "BOW WOW WOW BOW WOW WOW BOW WOW WOW DALMATION DOG READY FOR THE WORLD, BOW WOW WOW x3 WELCOME!" ... dude, whuuuut?)
i watched these two adik-beradiks grow up. ('=
(actually i grew up with them. hahaha. me and Madi played together alot and Syafiq always got neglected by the big boys like my brother, so he joined us in our Imagine-Imagine games. like one time, i pretended i was a grandmother who kinda became a statue cause a load of cement fell on me and dried, but i could still move my eyeballs. that scared the shit out of them and they ran off and left me there at the HDB block where one a lady got murdered before.)
and in a month they're sitting for their O's! oh golly miss molly! all the best, you two!!!
this is my only solo picture. and i wasnt even looking at the camera, dammit. honestly i can list out so many things i dislike about my face but yknow what, i'll just be grateful that i have a face, cause some people don't. literally and metaphorically. and yes i am being very insulting, in case you failed to read between the lines.
oh and just so yknow, they're not burning the Quran no more. FYEAH!!!!!
ah well. end of first day of raya. hello everyone, happy raya to you. please forgive me if i said or did anything that made you sad )= eh i very shy when it comes to saying what's deep in my heart so hehehe i stop now. in the words of Farhan, "dah diam. gi solat."
ps. i've already decided what im gonna get with raya money. Pink Dr Martens (been wanting that for so long, gah), anddddddddddd a uke!!!!!!!
Thursday, September 09, 2010 @ about 5:24 PM
w a r
Zany: it's Burn-A-Quran-Day on Saturday. Dad: huh? "Burn-A-Quran-Day"? Mom: really? where? Zany: America. Mom: oh. Zany: oh? aren't you disturbed? are you gonna do anything about it? Mom: what is there to do? we can't stop them. let it be, continue with our lives. Zany: yeah, but there might be a war after this. Mom: there'll be a war sooner or later anyway. Dad:*mini snort* a war? the most important war is the war with yourself.
i didn't realize what my dad meant at first, but now i do.
"If you want to make the world a better place, Take a look at yourself and make that change." - Michael Jackson, King of Pop
@ about 12:12 PM
world's so, so fucked up
Did they tell you, you should grow up When you wanted to dream? Did they warn you, better shape up If you want to succeed?
i am sick. in every sense of the word.
unwell, naseous, dejected, fed up.
ps.'International Burn-A-Quran-Day' (courtesy of some ignorant dickhead by the name of Terry Jones) is this Saturday. back then in July I didn't think the plan would come through… but it looks like it's really gonna happen now. and if a war breaks out there'd even more people dying. =| ya like that, Terry Jones?
fyeah, ashleighrayeg! you show'em!
Monday, September 06, 2010 @ about 8:53 PM
manhoodddd
Manhood awaits ya.
i'm gonna be really lonely every night as of tomorrow. )'= sigh, will miss you, ya ol' fool.
and wow, looking at the picture above, our hair was black! (or is it our hair 'were' black?! sounds funny) hahaha!!! that was early 2010 and wow we've changed. my hair's brown and your hair's red.
ok wait no, you're bald.
@ about 12:47 PM
taggity tag
somebody wants to make out with my room. D= i dont know if i should be happy or disturbed. hahahaha. but ive decided on happy. you're quite an interesting person. haha.
anyway, thank you Nisa, frequent reader of yours, alya, and people who tagged before them. you are far too kind.
sidenote, i feel so, so, so, so, sick. sorethroat and flu and headache and if this persists i might have to stop fasting and take medicine. =/
today im gna be accompanying my bro to get his hair cut real short for NS!!!!! SUPER STOKED!!!!
Sunday, September 05, 2010 @ about 4:15 PM
aq z
i love this boy. and maybe im too young to even know what love is, but what the heck, i love Aqil.
D= hahahahahahahahaha
@ about 4:02 PM
i foresee failure
Well, now I'm told that this is life, And pain is just a simple compromise So we can get what we want out of it
Rewind - Paramore #nowplaying
MY EYESSSS!!! THEY BURNNNN!!!!!
so hi friends, guess what, im a free birdy now!!!!! i meant to blog this on Friday, i thought i'd be in the mood to celebrate and all but after school me and Adrian were too aggravated to be smiling. =|
anyway the performance at Fort Canning Park has been postponed i think, to November or December, im not too sure. i dont know if im upset cause we were all so stoked about it, but i havent been singing the last couple of weeks and i tried a few hours ago and i was absolute shit. im really, really worried and demoralized oh god. )'=
but anyway we've got an invitation to Play-On so we might be playing for that instead!
bro's leaving for NS in a couple of days. im not prepared to be a lonely girl, im really not! on the days mom and dad go on one of their dates im gna be home all alone at night and what if the stupid doorbell rings again?!?!?! i'll be scared shitless!!!
k lemme tell you about the doorbell incident kay? the other night... or morning, around 1am to 2am my parents were asleep, my bro was up. i was sleeping, lightly. im a really light sleeper, the slightest noise or movement can wake me up.
so anyway all of a sudden the doorbell rang. my doorbell sound is like "DING DONG _______" the ______ is like a phrase or a word or a sound, like "DING DONG asalamualaikum!!!" or "DING DONG *bird chirping sounds*", yeah you get my drift. we can choose the _______ that we want from the preset sounds.
so anyway this time the bell rang "DING DONG please open the door" and it kept ringing and ringing DING DONG PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR DING DONG PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR DING DONG PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR and obviously this woke me up, and i heard my brother leave his room to open the front door, then he closed it, apparently the doorbell's still ringing but no one's outside. so he turned the doorbell speaker off.
okay this whole thing is scary in itself, but dudes what if i told you that in the preset sounds there ISNT "DING DONG please open the door" ??!??! WAH NBCB DAMN SCARY OKAY.
so we all know that it's the hungry ghost month right? but ironically it is also Ramadhan, hence my belief is that if the doorbell wasn't being retarded, there was a good spirit just trying to have fun, y'know? yeah. still, its scary isn't it?! gah.
but y'know what's scarier? my results for CA10. im pretty sure i screwed ALL my modules. im living in fear right now. especially for Issues and Viewpoints, honestly i was bullshitting my way through. worst. essay. ever. seriously im not even asking for a C. thats too much. and i didn't do very well for all my presentations either.
so anyway i've been clenching my teeth a lot these days. on Thursday and Friday night it got so bad that i actually teared hahaha. seriously, it felt like my teeth were falling off and i ended up biting my thumb so that my teeth wouldn't hurt. and now my ears hurt, because of this. deep inside my ear, i think it connects to the jaw or something. i don't know. we didn't learn the jaw in Pure Biology.
so, i've got lots of free time in my hands right now. what shall i do?
1. have frequent acoustic jamming sessions. anyone want in? 2. read Alice In Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll because i do not want my brain to rot. 3. acoustic recording of three of Scotch Tape Mayhem's originals with Aiden + CJ. 4. play Pokemon Fire Red? should i? without bro to guide me at some parts i'll be screwed foshiz. 5. Escape Themepark, West Coast Park + Movie Marathon with my favourite girl Ashleigh Raye G. 6. … work?
i don't know man. one thing's for sure: im gonna be taking lots and lots of pictures because like i said bro's leaving for NS, and he's leaving me three very important things:
1. his L'oreal Paris Studio Line Indestructible Gel 2. his contact lens solution and 3. DONUT!!!!!
Donut is his D90, with its fisheye lens fuck yeah. DONUT IS MINE!!!!!!!!! (starting from Tuesday, that is) i've never been fond of DSLRs but Donut and i bonded a lot thanks to my Visual Communications photo shoot, and i've grown very fond of it, even though i left terrible marks at its bottom, sorry bro )=
(after seeing bro's terrible camwhore pictures i had to teach him how to do it the right way. i assume this is the result.)
Hehfiz came over the other day to help polish the cymbals. they did a fantastic job lol and Hehfiz tried to make small talk with me in an attempt to 'catch up' and he thought my course is called 'Creative Brain'. ridiculous! it's Creative Writing ya ol' fool. haha.
i'm going to ignore this and hope that he gets eaten inside out by guilt, for not adding a "haha to indicate that he's not serious". .... i love my cousins.
so anyway look what Asyiqin wrote to me on msn!!!
i haven't met her/spoken to her in agesssssss!!! but sadly when i saw this she was offline so i didn't get a chance to say thank you, so here's a public thank you Asyiqin and it's okay one day when you and Shafiq have your own house you can paint it in all shades of blue!!!!!!!!!!! and a rainbow in your room how cool is that!?!?!?!
ok bye friends that's all for this entry i think. for now anyway… till i think of more things to talk about. brain's been rather tired lately. too many sleepless nights due to last-minute determination to complete assignments tehehehe. and still, i foresee failure. what an epic fail i am.
ps. rest assured i do still read tags i just dont reply them. i hope the very few taggers who tag dont feel like im ignoring them lol im not, i'd reply if i could but i dont know how to do that, if not through my blog or making my tagboard an un-magic one. so yeah if you want me to reply please write on my formspring instead!!! =D
to be honest, my tagboard's there just for show... it's too cute to be removed.
@ about 3:55 PM
atok
Hi Atok. it's been exactly four years (and one day) since i last saw you. i cant help feeling disappointed in myself knowing that, in four years i've changed so much, in ways that you wouldn't have been happy with. but i've started praying, that's a start isn't it? a baby step; but it's better than nothing.
if you were to come back to life right now you'd be really shocked by how different things are, and how now hardly anyone wants to see each other anymore. you wouldn't have let this happen.
i miss you, and i love you always.
Thursday, September 02, 2010 @ about 10:33 AM
screenshots
aw looky here an email from Ahdila!!!!!!
and looky here too, an MSN conversation with Aqil from last night lol quite funny. he was like, "how long we together already now?" and i was like "uh i dont know when we got together" HAHAHA no seriously, i dont know when. O_O
okay im gna use SelfControl now so i wont surf the net, and start on my assignment. one last assignment and im a free bird!!!!!
~freeeee~
Wednesday, September 01, 2010 @ about 4:08 PM
happy september!
Now better days are on replay I'm taking them all day by day Sometimes i fall but it's okay I'm stronger now, so come what may
... well, that pretty much sums up my whole life right now. (=
on a sidenote,
FUCK YEAH SQUIRTLE!!!!
anyway i promised my body no more sleepless nights but since i havent started on my Hero story which is due Friday, im gna have to sacrifice some sleep. thats alright cause Saturday marks the start of my six-weeks holiday anyway.
FUCK YEAH SIX-WEEKS HOLIDAY!!!!! okay i'll stop now. it's 4.28pm, i havent showered since yesterday morning. don't judge me.
anyway Ahdila's mom described me as 'groovy groovy'. hilarious!
ps. yay i finally changed the picture under my profile section. it's a gif! i love gifsssss!!! they're like those moving portraits from Harry Potter!!!
Be nice, or go away.
(if your tag requires an answer from me,
click here!)
(awkward blank space that will be updated soon... i think.)
