i sing, i write. therefore, i am.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010 @ about 11:08 PM
i'm back.
Especially not me.
Enough of this bullshit.
Enough of feeling weak and helpless and insecure.
I deserve better. And I WILL get better.
I am Zany. I am indestructible.
If you're here only to build me up to bring me down,
go ahead and try.
And when you're done trying, get the fuck out of my life.
Thursday, November 11, 2010 @ about 9:53 AM
Weezer: Perfect Situation
What's the deal with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?
In a perfect situation, I let love down the drain
There's the pitch, slow and straight
All I have to do is swing and I'm a hero
… But I'm a zero.
Saturday, November 06, 2010 @ about 4:51 PM
To walk within the lines would make my life so boring,
I want to know that I have been to the extreme,
So knock me off my feet, come on now, give it to me
... Anything to make me feel alive
Wednesday, November 03, 2010 @ about 9:11 PM
disarray
Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
i was so frustrated and disturbed and disappointed today
that i had the urge to shave ALL the hair off from my head.
and so, that's exactly what i did.
nah, i joke.
instead,
i wore my favourite shirt (i have lots of favourite shirts)
and shorts and stockings and
blasted some Eyes Set To Kill and Underoath
and sang and headbanged and hairflipped like no one's watching...
because no one WAS watching anyway. lol.
i decided that i really don't feel like making contact with any humans today.
(blogging is an exception.
im not communicating with anyone,
im just typing my thoughts out,
you guys are the ones who chose to come here and read. *shrugs*)
it's hell in my head all over again.
all my thoughts and feelings are in disarray.
before i fall asleep tonight,
i will arrange all of them into little boxes
and who knows, i might find something in my head that i forgot even existed.
but one thing's for sure: i wish i hadn't fallen.
ah, whatever, Life.
you can't fucking bring me down.
... yknow, i wish i could talk to someone.
but... no.
i'd rather take an imaginary trip to the night sky, alone.
g'night.
@ about 11:52 AM
what N said.
i was walking with a friend, who was blabbering
about the feathers on my head and how 'iconic' they are.
out of the blue, he popped me a question.
N: if you could pick anything in the world that personifies you, what would it be?
Z: anything? like, an animal? or non-living -
N: anything!
Z: ummmmmm i don't know.
N: how about… fireworks?
Z: fireworks?
for some reason, i half-expected him to say 'feathers',
but he didn't.
at this point, Katy Perry and her new single
(the one where fireworks explode from her boobs....... er what?)
came to my mind.
i expected him to quote something from the song that described me, but
he said something entirely different.
Z: why fireworks?
N: well i don't know. maybe cause you don't really know where to go, or where you're going. so you go anywhere... but wherever you go, you end up as colourful as ever.
they're really simple words,
but looking at how things are now
and how disorientated i've been lately (and why i've been like that),
his words mean more to me than anything else.
i am really, honestly, nothing but a pensive wanderer of the world,
and i guess i'll continue being that because eventually,
nothing else matters, because i'll be okay.
on a side note,
i haven't been blogging because it's been hell inside my head.
... and heart.
